Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
