Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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