Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
