Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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