every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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