i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
