if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
