The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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