I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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