Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
