That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
