I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
