I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
