This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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