I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
