uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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