How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
