yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
