hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
