i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
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Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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