we're blogging at a bar
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
