i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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