So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
