Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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