she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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