my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
