ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
