WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
