It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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