guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
