oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
