Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
