just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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