i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have post one night stand depression
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