very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
