Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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