so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
