You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize