I think I died a long time ago.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
