I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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