Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
