Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
