We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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