12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize