i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
