Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
