He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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