If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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