I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
