Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
