dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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