Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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