i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
