He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
