If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
