Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
