when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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