i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
