The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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