u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
