if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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