Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
