Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
