i think my tv is drunk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
