This is not my ceiling
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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