i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's rum buckets o'clock
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
