I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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