does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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