My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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