i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
