if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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