Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
