Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize