Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
