How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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