i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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