My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
