So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
