Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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