So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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