You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
