im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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