I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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