her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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