it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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