You can't special order awesome
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
