Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
