the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
