Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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