Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
