i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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