Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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