speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
