is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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