I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
